How to Choose a Husband: And Make Peace with Marriage by Venker Suzanne

Author:Venker, Suzanne [Venker, Suzanne]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: WND Books
Published: 2016-04-13T04:00:00+00:00

Step #7

MARRY THE ACCOUNTANT, NOT THE ARTIST

T HIS CHAPTER, I’M AFRAID , is the part where we talk about money. Ugh. It’s such a dreaded subject, isn’t it? Who wants to think about money when we’re talking about love? But that’s just it: people aren’t thinking about it. Not in the way they should.

When I consider the significance of money in a marriage, I’m reminded of something Lori Gottleib wrote in Marry Him . She said she essentially woke up one day to find herself unhappily single at the age of forty. In her analysis of why it happened, she wrote that when she was in her twenties, her mother told her to stop going out with those artist boyfriends she liked so much. She said Lori should find herself a man with a steady job, maybe one of those guys she thought was nerdy but who turned out well on all fronts. Naturally, Gottleib thought this was a bunch of old-fashioned drivel.

Then she wrote how stupid she was to reject her mother’s advice.

That’s how I came to title Step #7 , “Marry the Accountant, Not the Artist.” You can substitute “accountant” with any job or career that brings in a steady income. The point isn’t to focus on the kind of job a man has (after all, some artists make good money!); it’s to point out that your guy needs to be employed, or to at least have a legitimate plan for legitimate employment.

I’ll say it again: the previous generation of American women was wrong. You will need, and want, to depend on a man at some point in your life. You need someone who can bring home the bacon so you can fry it up in a pan. Even if you don’t cook. He doesn’t need to make a ton of money, but he needs to make enough—or be capable of making enough—to keep the family afloat.

As usual, this goes against everything your generation has been taught. In fact, if your friends heard me say this, they’d be shocked and even offended. “How retro! Who thinks that way anymore? What a loon.” Well, they’re certainly entitled to their opinion.

Even if it is wrong.

The reason parents have historically taught their daughters to look for a man who can support them (until the sexual revolution came along to muck things up) is because they assumed their girls would be home with their children when the time came and would therefore need husbands who made enough money to support the family. And while it’s true things have changed with respect to women’s employment status, maternal desire hasn’t changed one bit. “So many of us were schooled to be professionals of some sort,” wrote Kathryn Lopez. “We were prepped and we excelled. But that degreed and résuméd woman doesn’t cease being who she was before she had a baby.” 1

It doesn’t matter whether it’s 1955 or 2013—human nature is human nature. In the past, women and men prepared for the day when babies would arrive.

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